Just sit back and watch humanity destroy itself :)
how does anyone ever feel at all positive about the future.
Assault On Wall Street
A Movie Review
Throughout most of the movie all I could think was “Get to the killing get to the killing get to the killing.” The first 50-70 mins are slow and grinding and poorly but not appallingly acted and there are enough people of some note to at least be like “what?”
The whole time you are like “I wish this were ‘based on a true story.’” but you mean the well-trained-and-executed-vigilante-justice-against-those-whose-greed-destabilized-our-entire-species part and not the decent-dude-sick-wife-medical-debt-insurance-fine-print-rigamarole-investment-dumping-lifesavings-disappearing-losing-yr-shit-job-bank-forclosure-with-a-crooked-lawyer-on-top bleakzkrieg part cuz duh, that’s so OBVIOUS.
Then main character Jim’s wife does what she’s gonna do with a razor blade and then through his grief we finally learn that he was in the military and obvs still keeps his fucking sniper rifle/assault weapon hybrid in the Ikea armoire so let’s get down to it then. Oh and did i mention that Edward Furlong is Jim’s effusive bff/coworker? Keith David is of course great as Freddy the beat cop, and John Heard makes a good shitbag Investment Banker X. Oh and don’t look now but here comes Clint Howard slanging guns out of his conversion van, selling hand grenades 2 for a “hundsky” and looking to borrow a feeling. Ok NOW we are getting somewhere.
There is some satisfying sniping (example: some old geezer drinking wine with his trophy wife on his mansion’s patio in the middle of the afternoon) and Jim has target practice under an overpass next to the subway tracks (note to self: from now on always watch out the windows of the train for this type of behavior bc it is cool as hell). Buuuuuuuuutttt… still… dude… Make. With. THA. KILLIN.
Yadda yadda yadda the last little scrap of story
And it’s on. It’s so easy. Why has no one done this? They are all in one spot. Fish in a fucking barrel. Another nice, delightfully extended parking garage sniping scene, so smooth.
Then the coup de grâce, Jim dons a white plastic mask so ludicrous one expects Dominic Prucell to have a Tracy Jordan-esque character break, rides up the elevator in real time and enters Mordo- I mean the investment firm’s office. There’s some #arbitrarymercy to remind us that he’s not such a bad guy after all and then some good ol’ fashioned, All-American, indiscriminate killing. Glass walls and desktop computers shatter, grenades are deployed, and not a single woman is harmed. Many pathetic and cowardly, youngish looking newbs and underlings are thoroughly pwned. Waves of future-destroying cubicle drones fall like wheat before the thresher. It goes on for so long. They really give you what you came for here. The final showdown is slightly confusing and more than slightly heavy handed, with a goofy battle of wits and the answer to the timeless question “Do you know the difference between a Banker and a Gansta?**” The tail end is nonsense.
In conclusion, if u are having a bad day reading about the unfathomable bullshit surrounding the financial crisis on fb and are looking for a dumb movie to watch while you are working on something else where some 1%ers get wasted, then this is exactly what yr Obamacare provider ordered.
** A Gangsta always has a getaway plan (?) I asked Jeeves and the results were… inconclusive.